Tax Lawyer's Blog

I  am not a New Year’s resolution kind of guy.  If something is worth changing, why wait until the calendar flips to an arbitrarily selected new day.

Just do it now!

To me, resolutions are a convenient way for people to put off doing the hard work of change. It allows them to indulge in their vices and bad habits for a few more guiltless weeks.

Having said that, the events of 2008 have compelled me to make a few New Year’s resolutions of my own in 2009:

1. The Blago Resolution - I will not have ridiculously bushy hair and the unmitigated gaul to appoint a black man to high political office in a vain and naive attempt to intimidate my accusers into not prosecuting me.

See Governor Blagojevich Plays Race Card

2. The Orenthal James Resolution –  I will not use “military” force to take property from someone else regardless of how much money I owe the parents of the woman I killed.

See O.J. Convicted of Kidnapping and Armed Robbery

3.  The Hypocrite’s Resolution – I will not apply a double standard and attack the inexperience and shallowness of a candidate from another party while defending the inexperience and shallowness of a candidate from my own party.

See What if Sarah Palin Sounded Like This?

4.  The Bad Mom Resolution- I will not chloroform my child to sedate her so I can go out and party like it’s 1999. 

Instead, I will do like every other good, decent and responsible American parent does: Stick my child in front of a T.V., give her lots of junk food and play The Little Mermaid  DVD in a perpetual loop.

See Casey Anthony case

5.  The Radical Liberal Resolution- I will not call someone who does not share my worldview a “racist,” a “bigot” or a “homophobe” just to advance my personal agenda.

See If You Oppose Same Sex Marriage, Admit You’re a Bigot and Move On

6.  The Melissa Etheridge Resolution – I will not refuse to pay taxes merely because the majority doesn’t see the world the way I do.

See Melissa Etheridge and Gay Marriage

7.  The Hypocrite’s Resoluton (Redux) – I will not shed tears of joy because we elected the first black American president after having thrown racist darts at the first black man and black woman ever to be appointed Secretaries of State.

See Racism Acceptable to the Left if Targetted at Black Republicans

8.  The Not Black Enough Resolution – I will not, in the name of color blindness, accuse someone of my skin color of not being my-skin-color enough simply because he doesn’t consult me before he thinks, acts and speaks.

See If You are Black and Don’t Agree with Me, You’re an Uncle Tom, A Field Negro or an Aunt Jemima

9.  The Suck Up to Our Enemies Resolution – I will not, no matter how rich and famous I become from acting in bad Hollywood movies, actively seek out America’s most bitter enemies and proceed to praise and support them regardless of their blatant violations of human rights in their own countries.

See Viva Sean! Penn and Pals Chat Up Chavez and Castro

10.  The MSNBC Leg Sensation Resolution – I will not, should I become a big time T.V. news “journalist”, announce to the world my sexual excitement when the candidate of my choice gives a rousing speech.

See Chris Matthews, Impartial Newsman 

Oh, by the way, starting on January 1, 2009, I hereby resolve not to write political posts on my tax blog.

Yeah, right!

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